Where’s Terry with the Pasties?

Faster than arse super fast bt broadband FTW

September 28, 2009 at 4:16 pm | Posted in opinion, technology | Leave a comment
Tags: 20 mbps, adsl, adsl2, broadband, bt, commercial, disconnect, faults, slow

Dear Sir of Super hyper broadband access,

I write to you after seeing your wanktastic commercial advertising your wankathon mega-hyper-power broadband of the 20 meg. I am well after your product. It looks like the shit.

Do you see? I am currently sitting on a wank-as-fuck (technical term) faulty broadband connection. In that wonderful commercial of yours – you know, the one with the MILF looking for houses and the Bristol Live Frogger fail chap relaying the house details to the hapless estate agent, who’s internets are slower than a phone exchange upgrade. Well, in that ad the connection the estate agent has is just like mine. It’s faulty as arse. Now I want me some 20 meg sexy broadband. Yes, I know my distance to the ‘exchange’ (where is that?) alters my speed, and if i’m miles away then it’s slower, but I just want me some working broadband. Just like in your tv advert.

So, i’ve decided to dump my fine and fair Internets Service Provider to go with you fuckers. I am sure upgrading me to your lovely-time-sexy broadband will fix all my wanky connection problems. My line will stop disconnecting, running slower than a concrete slab of shit and fuck up because your ad shows my “up-to-8-meg” connection and it’s toss. Then I see your “up-to-20-meg” connection and its awesome. I’m gonna be loving this. I cannot wait for extra-fast porn… soz, i mean learning shit from Wikipedia well fast.

Awesome.